Saturday, April 17, 2010

The Second Declaration of Independence

Sheva Apelbaum Jefferson In school we have been studying about the American Revolution, the Articles of Confederation, the Declaration of Independence, and the Constitution.

In the spirit of these revolutionary documents, I decided to write a second Declaration of Independence to the Queen and King of the monarchy of our house. 

Declaration of Independence II  April 18th, 2010

In every stage of the following oppressions, we have petitioned for redress in the most humble of terms but our cries have been answered only by repeated mockery.  A King and Queen whose characters are thus marked by every act which may define a tyrant, are unfit to be the rulers of free children.

Let us reflect on the King’s and Queen’s cruel and oppressive rule:

  • They have obstructed the administration of justice by insisting that they have the last word in every argument and by their refusal to institute a judiciary appeal process.
  • They circumvent justice by discussing verdicts between themselves and ruling unanimously.
  • For protecting each others aggression and making us despair by stating that when it comes to the children, “the King and and Queen will always support each other’s tyrannical decisions.”
  • For depriving us, in many cases, of the benefits of a trial by a  jury of our peers and even dispensing with our sacred “Do Not Go to Jail” cards.
  • They strictly control our allowances and pocket money and they levy heavy taxes upon us when we break valuable goods.
  • They have instituted a multitude of new chores, assignments, and duties, and they continue to harass us with requests to fold laundry, do dishes and vacuum the house
  • They have conspired with others to subject us to foreign and unattractive fashion, while refusing to acknowledge our trendy, hip dress style. They prevent us from wearing flip-flops and low-rise jeans, and they limit our ability to wear spaghetti strap tank tops to school  thereby forcing us to only dress wearing “modest,” “well made,” and “functional” shoes and articles of clothing.
  • For enslaving us and cruelly forcing us to complete our homework, music practice, gymnastics exercise, and room cleanup assignments daily.
  • By consistently depriving us of bare necessities like the newer I-Pod Touch, the I-Pad,  and the unlimited texting plan.
  • For controlling our finances and preventing us from spending our meager savings on designer tee-shirts.
  • For taking away our computer privileges, reducing our movie watching time to an hour per week, insisting that we spend time out in the fresh air without any interactive technology (our most valuable possessions), and altering fundamentally the amount of time we can spend on the phone with other revolutionary friends and associates.

Thus we, the members of the “Children’s Party,” are declaring our independence and freedom from the wrath of the King and Queen and have set our intention to create a republic. We will form a system of government that is based on “checks and balances” in which the King and Queen (the parents) will have half of the control. They will serve as the Executive Branch. The “Children’s Party” will then serve as the Legislative Branch.-------------------This form of “checks and balances” is the only way to equalize this newly formed union and make it a better place for all of citizens to live in.

Sheva Apelbaum Declaration of Independence Therefore, we the representatives of the “Children’s Party,”  in general congress assembled, appeal to the supreme judge of the universe for our intentions, do, in the name of excellent grades, first place science projects,  perfect NYSSMA scores, and good reputations among our peers, solemnly publish and declare that unless we are allowed to add in our two cents, share our ideas and control our destiny without undue conflict, punishments, revocation of privileges, groundings, curfews and sarcastic comments such as “you are free to do whatever you like once you’re 18,” under the authority we have as the majority citizens of this colony (constituting 60% of its population), we hereby dissolve this monarchy and removing all allegiances to the King and Queen.

Signed by,

Batsheva Apelbaum, her little sister, Avital, and Mango, the cat.  


  1. Hm...
    I, as the conspirator confess that I am guilty of influence on the Queen. I acted out of experience and concern, of good will and love for the Queen. But since you deprived the kingdom and established a republic, I am certain that I will get a fair trail. I don't expect any punishment, but recognition in that matter, that because I am a friend of the Queen I should be removed from the case at all.
    Now that you have declared war and rebelled, peace negotiation has to be taken in serious consideration! This will surely not be easy, since you are a smart and powerful rebel with a strong urge for justice and independence.
    I wish you all success in clearing up the discrepancy in a preliminary hearing, so maybe the case can be dismissed.
    Oh, and the cat is OUT! It has no say!!!!

  2. I'm afraid I will have to hide this page from my kids.

  3. Dear Conspirator (Yael),

    Your admitted love for the queen and your latest political pamphlet supporting the monarchy are proof that our new republic should be cleared from all of its aristocratic plotters (unless of course you agree to become my double agent at court;-)

    Le’ts not forget Marie Antoinette… she too was a friend of the queen (of Austria) and happily gave her lots of sensitive French military secrets as well as fashion advice…

    About the cat, although it maybe true that she is a mere peasant, she too has the right to control her destiny and the number of treats she gets every day.

    Mojogoing: Thank you so much for your comment, I am afraid that the word of the revolution is out. There is no way to stop it. :-)

  4. Hm,

    I am not especially fond of Marie Antoinette, the daughter of the queen of Austria, with whom she did not get along very well - but I must say, that she was very fashion oriented, would dress superbly and had the most elaborate hairstyle! Oh, and I am not at all afraid I might end like her! I have to speak with my lawyer about your hinted threats!

    Ah yes, and the cat - I think it has no problem getting it's treats, being as lovely as it is! With cats it's something else, I talk from experience...

    And about your own treats and wishes, I am sure it can be worked out with your Queen,(maybe with the help of a Mediator), because at your kingdom there is something which was quite missing at the French Royal Court, and at the Austrian monarchy, it is called LOVE!